12.11.07

I'm back at Kia and Janet's place for this week, as my previous plans fell through. I'm grateful for the bit of time off though--these weeks have been compounding themselves, and I'm becoming so hazy. Last week though, was clear to me. For some reason Elizabeth's house hit at exactly the right moment in this project. I shouldn't say "for some reason". I haven't had complete control, which has allowed others to reach their hands in and stir things up.

This is humbling. I just told Brother Justin that it's not the moving around that's tough, it's trying to embody someone else's life, understanding why they make the choices they do. I expected to become more confused about my own decisions because of this; instead, the more I am exposed to, the more I find myself drawn to certain ideals and actions.

I wanted to know if unconditional love exists. I still don't know. I do know that we are all floundering, trying to catch and keep it. It's so precious that we become so overjoyed and force other things to mask as love. We do a hell of a lot of convincing and it gets to be more about energy than about any true connection. This doesn't dishearten me; rather I've been pleasantly taken aback when finally confronted with those pure instances of love.

Love will wait. Lately I've felt pretty broken down and glazed over, but never felt unsupported. I don't think most people really even have that.

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