Kim Burly Schoelen is a multi-talented Amazon. Born and raised in the nether-tundras of Fresno, California (where fish fear to swim), Kim cut her teeth on her first huge multi-media project, now known as "The Hanson Closet", in which she stored her letters to the prolific boy band. It was during this time that Kim developed her now distinctive sardonic sense of writing. After a brief "Gwen-a-be" stage (named after the gorgeous Mtv star Gwen Stefani), Kim lived in southern California briefly, where she studied at Chapman University, and then moved back to Fresno.
During this time, Kim discovered dating on the internet, which is where she found much of her now-famed comic material. Ranging from "The guy who met me at a steakhouse in a pirate costume" to "the guy with two buttholes", Kim started blogging it all on the online site, Livejournal.com. While she has since married Doug, a man who once pretended to take trips on the Holodek of The Star Trek Enterprise, it hasn't stopped her from continuing her crafty, helpful lifestyle. Now she guides teenagers and youth in a position of poise and orgaization, which contrasts wildly with her work in the Fresno Roller Derby community. Her son, Cary, is known for his fantastic hair and supremely calm disposition--as well as a penchant for clothing that matches those of a male 27-year old librarian.
Kim is now pregnant with her second child; rumor is that said child is neither male or female; it might be, in fact, the dreaded wheelbor.