Tonight I'm taking down "Lock It" at Cafe Corazon.
I'm part of this rad show from the Phone Booth Gallery, based in Southern California.
See the show online here! It's up for the entire month of October.
Last night I went to Adam's parent's house. They have always treated me with such kindness, but I was overwhelmed when I saw that they had clipped out my interview that appeared in the Fresno Bee, and put it up on the fridge. These people aren't obligated to care, and they do.
How can people care about me that much? I worry that I've become too adept at hiding my cantankerous, insecure nature. Nobody wants to deal with that anyway. It's far to easy to tell and joke and deflect. I can easily catagorize this past year as the worst of my life, but it's tempered with the patience and generousity that other people have shown me. With all of this in mind, I have started various cataloging projects.
*write down one fear a day
*take a picture of your clothing each day
I constantly slap myself into an awareness of my existance, if only to humble myself. Yeah, maybe this year has been shitty, but if that ONE THING hadn't happened, things would be alright. I'm a different person now, and I'm trying to manuver with this new body and new mind. I'm lucky and I know it. It's no secret that I'm attracted to ladies who are a little bit tragic*, because it's superficial and makes them relatable: Michelle Williams, Mary Kate Olsen (I am not even kidding), Britney Spears, Mia Farrow, Yoko Ono. It really upsets me when people pass shady comments in thier direction. I know they are public figures, but nobody needs that sort of negetivity when they are already visably down. My mother said don't say anything nice if you can't say anything at all. **
I never mean for my entries to get so down, but here it is. Keep trying.
*I am not trying to say that these women are victims, I am a big fan of personal responsibility, but I'm an even bigger fan of realizing how faulty your own existance is before you jeer someone elses'. As a wise friend once told me, "everyone's got problems".
**I am sort of a hypocryte because I am one of those people who can't get enough Sarah Palin jokes, but it's admittedly because her beliefs directly threaten me, and she isn't a person struggling with life. And usually I am the first to point out that I'm completely inept--I'm really sort of surprised that I managed to articulate this. So be it. Mom, I am sorry.
Ugh, at least if you are going to make fun of anything, take some lessons from Brendan Donnelly or John Barleycorn, the masters at being clever and self-effacing. I aspire to their commentary. Both are in my sidebar (Remember...you're a winner! and Universal Donor) and are worth checking out.